RYAN & EMILEE'S ADOPTION JOURNEY
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RYAN & EMILEE'S ADOPTION JOURNEY

some days are hard.

3/12/2018

5 Comments

 
Some days are hard.

Some days I think...why did God choose this path for me? Am I strong enough for this? Can I do this?

Some days are hard.

Some days I feel like giving up, like no one could possibly understand.

Some days are hard.

Some days I question: why would someone choose me to be their babies mother? What makes me so special?

You know what's coming next - some days are hard.

I'm so lucky to have so many friends having babies. I hear things like "I hope she has a nose just like you!" or "I can't wait to breastfeed!" I think - no one will say those things to me. They don't need to. And I've come to terms with that. But...some days, that's hard.

Ryan and I had our first home study meeting at our agency. We met our Adoptive Counselor (Amy) and she said "Adoption isn't for wussies!" It's true. Adoption is definitely not for wussies. It takes guts. And heart. And passion. And selflessness. And being strong enough to tell someone "no, wait, it's not 'giving up' for adoption, it's 'placing.'" It's being able to tell someone who asks "so how long will it take?" that it may take weeks and it may take years. Some days, that is hard.

If you read one of my first entries, I talk about cocooning and the process in which newly adoptive parents keep their child to themselves for the first few weeks of the child's life. Of course, this isn't a law or a rule but more a suggestion. I think about this a lot. I can't help but wonder if this is something that we will do. The birth mother will have up to 60 days to sign her rights over. Then, she'll have 10 working days to rescind that decision. So...will I cocoon? That would be hard.

People always ask - so when will you adopt?! I smile. I think - gosh, that's a great question. Amy told us that she's had clients that were chosen one week after being in "The Book." She also has clients that have been waiting 6 years. So...what do I say? Why does it have to be SO DAMN HARD?

It was hard yesterday. But today? Today isn't hard. Today I woke up with the love of my life and thought about how amazing of a father he will be. Today I remembered that we get to go to a meeting tonight with our agency and meet birth mothers who will answer questions and tell us about their experience. Today I realized that I'm going to be a mom. I'm not sure when - but I will be a mom to a sweet precious baby that I will love until my heart explodes.

In the words of the incredible Ice Cube...today was a good day.
5 Comments
Amanda
3/12/2018 02:53:10 pm

It is hard! To be honest it sucks! I've been there! I get it! You are not alone!! In the end all the tears and roller coaster of emotions will so be worth it!! Hang in there momma to be!! I was in your shoes 5 yrs ago.

Reply
Peggy Manning
3/12/2018 04:54:03 pm

It is so very hard. I remember having all the feelings that you are experiencing now. It is a very long journey but will be well worth it. I adopted my daughter Sara when she was 8 years old 22 years ago. Until you get your little one, I hope you have more good days than hard days. Thinking of you and praying for you. Peggy ( friend of your moms)

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Gerilyn (Geri) Mauck
3/12/2018 05:34:55 pm

Yes, it’s hard... some days more than others. Especially when it seems like everyone around you is pregnant... yes, some days are more difficult than others, and some are easier. Like Peggy, we adopted an older child at age 3.5 who has special needs (27 now and living in a residential group) followed by a 3 month old infant with profound delays who is now 21. It has been a rollercoaster... Where would those children be today if no one gave them a chance at some semblance of normalcy... Godspeed. Like Peggy, you’re in my prayers. Geri, a friend of your mom’s.

Reply
Renee
3/12/2018 07:30:24 pm

It is hard, but you and your husband sound like you are ready, willing , and able! Prayers for Gods Grace , His peace, and His Love on this journey of parenthood!

Reply
Annie Arnott
4/2/2018 06:45:15 pm

Emilee,
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I remember all those feelings like it was yesterday.
I pray that you will be a Mommy soon.

Reply



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