some days are hard.

Some days are hard.

Some days I think...why did God choose this path for me? Am I strong enough for this? Can I do this?

Some days are hard.

Some days I feel like giving up, like no one could possibly understand.

Some days are hard.

Some days I question: why would someone choose me to be their babies mother? What makes me so special?

You know what's coming next - some days are hard.

I'm so lucky to have so many friends having babies. I hear things like "I hope she has a nose just like you!" or "I can't wait to breastfeed!" I think - no one will say those things to me. They don't need to. And I've come to terms with that. But...some days, that's hard.

Ryan and I had our first home study meeting at our agency. We met our Adoptive Counselor (Amy) and she said "Adoption isn't for wussies!" It's true. Adoption is definitely not for wussies. It takes guts. And heart. And passion. And selflessness. And being strong enough to tell someone "no, wait, it's not 'giving up' for adoption, it's 'placing.'" It's being able to tell someone who asks "so how long will it take?" that it may take weeks and it may take years. Some days, that is hard.

If you read one of my first entries, I talk about cocooning and the process in which newly adoptive parents keep their child to themselves for the first few weeks of the child's life. Of course, this isn't a law or a rule but more a suggestion. I think about this a lot. I can't help but wonder if this is something that we will do. The birth mother will have up to 60 days to sign her rights over. Then, she'll have 10 working days to rescind that decision. So...will I cocoon? That would be hard.

People always ask - so when will you adopt?! I smile. I think - gosh, that's a great question. Amy told us that she's had clients that were chosen one week after being in "The Book." She also has clients that have been waiting 6 years. So...what do I say? Why does it have to be SO DAMN HARD?

It was hard yesterday. But today? Today isn't hard. Today I woke up with the love of my life and thought about how amazing of a father he will be. Today I remembered that we get to go to a meeting tonight with our agency and meet birth mothers who will answer questions and tell us about their experience. Today I realized that I'm going to be a mom. I'm not sure when - but I will be a mom to a sweet precious baby that I will love until my heart explodes.

In the words of the incredible Ice Cube...today was a good day.